1. Some Basic definitions..

Engineering College : Place where you're punished for getting good HSC marks.

Senior : Guy who got ragged as junior and wanna get some payback...

Fresher : Guy who has to ask where the canteen is...

Really Dumb Fresher : Guy who asks a senior where the canteen is.

Really Really Dumb fresher : Guy who follows the senior to the canteen.

Ragging : The unfortunate fate of the previous idiot.

Evasive action : Watch the juniors when any seniors come nearby.

(No one runs faster than a fresher. NO ONE.)

Lectures : Waste of time. Physical presence is a must...only meant for sleeping, completing assignments & general TP

Tuitions : What you take when you don't waste enough time....

Professor : Perso! n paid to put students to sleep.

Vernacular Prof : Unusual variant of previous individual who comes packa ged with his own brand of English ("Now you check me our journal." "You Out get from class." "Are you Understand, Beta?" )

Practicals : 60 to 90 minutes in which you watch the girls in opposite building, and usually destroy a considerable array of lab equipment.

Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are no girls to watch and you simply look blankly at each other, fiddle with the equipment, and finally copy the readings.(from the girls of course...).

2. The Truth about exams....


Irony : The guy who copied your entire paper passes and you flunk.

Critical Calculation : Summing up the marks you attempted worth in the exam...

Re-verification : A cruel joke. (results of which come after you give the KT exam).

3. An engineer's 10 engineering commandments of Life
1. Start study only during the preparatory leave.
2. Thou shalt never write thy assignments thyself.
3. Thou shalt begin writing thy journals only on the morning of submission.
4. Thou shalt treat all marks above 40 as bonus.
5. Thou shalt have at least 70 per cent attendance in the canteen.
6. Thou shalt pass GRACEfully.
7. Thou shalt always be an OUTstanding student.
8. Thou shalt give thy attendance without being present...PROXY is a MUST
9. If thou can't convince them , confuse them.
10. Thou shalt start every sentence with a four-lettered word.

4. The Years of Engineering
F.E. Fond of Engineering
S.E. Sick Of Engineering
T.E. Tired of Engineering
B.E. Balls to Engineering
Engineers Anthem:
Hum Honge All Clear,Honge All Clear, Honge All Clear Ek Din, OH-HO, Mann me hai vishwas, pura hai vishwas, hum ho! ge all clear ek din

Top two Engineering Rumors:
'Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm'
'Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks, its been put up at BMS'

The most dreaded acronym for Engineers:
ATKT ( After Trying Keep Trying)

The most important criteria while selecting an engi! neering college:
Girl to Boy ratio ( if more than0 .025% then that college is engineers dream come true)

Engineers at work:
Assignments solved by one and then carrying out mass transfer operations throughout the class

The most important machine for Engineers:
Xerox Machine (Without which assignment completion wouldn't be possible)

The most important table in an Engineer's House:
The glass table ( to carry out GT operations, during Night Duty.)

The only queue an Engineer is familiar with:
Submission Queue

An Engineer's favourite watch:
Bird Watch !

Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:
'Wha! t is this yaar, more than 70% of the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire engineering history'
'I am failing....I got screwed royally'

5. Feeling after Completing Engineering:
Survived Engineering

Engineers Responses

This one is for those who had nightmares during 

their Engineering

Viva's (EEEs and ECEs). They bring back fond memories for those who 

care to smile at the past

Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in

A.C.as compared to D.C. ?

Candidate : An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and

requires more space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.

External (to student) : "Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC To

pass through ?

Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK. DC comes

straight, like this ----------, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes 

UP,

DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!" 

Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC?

Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is AC. If

it gets stuck, it was DC.

Interviewer: H! ow will you reverse direction of an Induction motor?

Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the x-ud, turn the motor

around, and put back the bolts.

Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?

Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)

Interviewer: Stop! Stop!

Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)

Examiner: "What is a step-up transformer?"

Student: "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."

Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?"

Student (hesitantly): "Uh - A transformer that is put in the x-udment

or in a pit?"

Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is

installed on the ground?"

(Student knows he is caught-can't answer)

Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"

Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"